Monday, September 28, 2009

Strange.
.unusual or surprising in a way that is unsettling or hard to understand.

strange.
.not previously visited, seen or encountered; unfamiliar or alien.

I've been going through boxes. little by little. Jess packed up my life this summer and moved me up and out of my abode of six years and there my boxes sit. in the garage here at the house. so, i've been picking through them. and it's been interesting.

i have these three memory boxes that i've filled up with letters and cards and pictures from over the years. it takes me the longest to go through those boxes. I have to sit down to go through those boxes.

it is a strange process.

i found a box of snowdomes. i used to collect snowdomes when I was a child. I had something like 18 of them at one point but i guess i sorted through them somewhere over the years and am left with only 7. which is now down to 4. i just have to hold on to some of those. which is strange. because i'm not a packrat by any means and have been turfing stuff left, right and centre. but these...i don't know.

I have two favorites: one with a zebra inside, and the other has two kittens. I had forgotten the music that they played, but when i twisted the knob, there. There is was. it came back to me. A melodic memory long dormant. incredible how it didn't really ever leave.

I read through a few letters from a friend that i used to correspond with quite frequently. it seems from the letter that we, at some point, had some type of falling out. i don't really remember that. i hope it was resolved. we're not in touch anymore. so maybe it wasn't. but i don't remember.

it was interesting to open cards and recognize the writing of friends from over a decade ago. A decade ago! but the writing...i remember it.

and to find school photos of friends from high school. from when i lived in Edmonton. and most of those people i have never seen since. and to me, they are still 13 years old.

isn't that strange?

and it was bizarre to read sentimental notes from people. directed at me and some type of positive influence that i, guess, had over their lives. but many of those friendships no longer exist. and some that do are different. somewhat foreign. somehow changed. friendships of season. many are that way.

the whole process of maturing and "finding yourself" and experiencing life with some and not with others is a strange reality with strange effects.

photos of me. strange. i hardly recognize myself. yes, it is clearly me in the photo, but how did the person that i am today come from that strange, strange adolescent in those photos.

it is all very strange, there is some type of emotion here but i am not sure what. can "strange" be an emotion?

it just feels like my life. is just different now.

i remember a forgotten friend who briefly, very briefly, came into my life again a few years ago and I remarked how different he looked and yet, oddly the same. and he said a line that I'll never forget:

I'm just a variation of the same theme.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Today.

Praying for these children


That they would be free from this religion


and any other hindrances in their lives

preventing them from knowing the Living Jesus.

Praying for protection as they are taught to walk in the way of Jesus.


Especially praying for this guy: He's my responsibility.


Blessings this Good Friday.

(anybody wanna give me a free installment of photoshop so that I can make sweet diptychs' like Tanner?)

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I stumbled across the most beautiful thing today. It was a church. Like you've never seen a church before. I say "stumbled" but that's really synonymous for: orchestrated by God.

That's what these last few days have seemed like to me.

Man, life with Jesus simply rocks.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

i have a dull pain in my shoulder. i am not sure why.

my grandpa's body is invaded a little bit more everyday by cancerous cells. I managed to pack on ten pounds this summer, but he has lost many more since I last saw him in April. At this point, every day is a gift.

i stopped by their place the other day and they recounted to me the sweetest story I have heard in a while. I can see it playing out in my mind as though I were there and I can see my grandma's face go all crinkly with laughter and she probably threw her hands on her face and giggled the way she does and i can see it in my mind's eye.

Gramps sleeps in the pink lazyboy in the living room these days as it is more comfortable than sleeping in the bed. Grandma had just come home from the bridal shower that we threw for my sister, and she leaned over to give him a good-night kiss. well, the chair was all the way back, horizontal, and as she leaned over, her foot slipped and she crashed on top of him causing the chair and go straight back. gramps bumped his head on the elderly grandfather clock that inhabits the corner, his feet went straight up in the air and there he was: stuck! Grandma smacked her knee on the ground and there they were, struggling in their geriatric way to right themselves, but laughing the whole while. grandma managed to get up, but she couldn't get him up and in order for him to be able to get out of the chair, she had to pull the chair forward. so there she was, tugging away at the pink lazyboy, but she STILL couldn't upright it, so gramps said, "well Betty, I think i can manage to roll myself out," which he did, onto the floor and they laughed and laughed as they told me and grandma said,

"what a bunch of old foggies we are."

which is funny. because it's true and somehow old age has crept up, and the mind is strong and the heart is strong, but the body is quickly fading. it is a strange thing and I think that despite how age slowly and subtly creeps up, one doesn't realize that it is creeping until one day literally nothing works anymore and you can't do what you want to do even though your mind is still strong. and we are very blessed that my gramps is still my gramps in every way in his mind and heart, but. his body fades.

and so, we are preparing for him to go to his golden home. Which is an envious place to be, although we will miss him here with us.