Monday, June 30, 2008

MickeyBlue & Specs

There's a kitten sleeping on me right now. cute really.

So, here i sit on the back porch with Ams, playing with some kitties, enjoying the setting sun, mild breeze in the air, sun peeking through the scattered clouds. we got back not too long ago from a last errands trip into town. midnight on Wednesday will see us travelling south in the three silver stallions à Detroit to catch our early morning flight out. Syanara Ontario.

Asparagus ended well. Best season yet. During certain moments Kris and I felt like yeah, heck, we could work in the asparagus barn for several more months, but no, two is good enough I think. Onwards.

now there are two kitties on me. We've named them MickeyBlue & Specs. Three of us saw a sign that said "free kittens" whilst en route to Tillsonburg and so we stopped and took two. We've a special home in mind for them.

The summer is half over and Guatemala is upon us. Final loads of laundry, final BBQ's, final final.

Here's the team. We have: Fids, Jess, Ams, moi-même, Elise, Kris, Jules, Yo-yo-ma, Dale, Karla, Mary and Andy. Phenomenal phenomenal people. yeah, just really enjoying being with them for these intersecting months of our lives. There is no shortage of beautiful people in this world.

There's this chipmunk that keeps scampering across the lawn. bit distracting really.

Not really anything deep or mind-penetrating to offer in this moment. The grass is really green here. Carolyn is a very dear person to me. Love will take me the whole of my life to learn how to live out. My default is set to "egocentric", and not "others". Ties in with the life love thing, die to self, die to self.

Mmmm, cherries are in season. band shot.
I've been able to reunite with some former alumni of this program as of late. Koodoes to Jenna and Char, two inspirational and impactful people in my life. I can see myself turning vegan and cycling everywhere in the future. Really I'm just a mosaic of others.

Maybe I can find a good quote somewhere...one of the books I'm juggling is the Shack (i know i know), but if you can get through the first 100 pages of terrible writing, the author redeems himself with interesting dialogues between the protagonist and the trinity. let's see...okay, i found something i underlined: Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me."

until Guaté.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

off the record.

Hmmm, that time again is it. Swinging in a hammock in the rain is a good time. So is Vivaldi: the Four Seasons. So is ambrosia salad. I forgot how tasty that is.

I don't even know what to write about, there's so much. This will be the Kat: off the record entry. Starting with.... . . . . .

Today I attempted to pull a prank on a co-worker and it completely back-fired on me. You have no idea. it's hardly worth getting into, but I'm sure I will have to have a conversation or two before the week/the night is up to clarify some stuff. Robert gave me a hearty laugh when he told me of the toad he put on the asparagus line once, and down it went on the line and the last girl freaked out, fainted, quit on the spot and spent the rest of the day crying in her vehicle. How do such good intentions go so terribly awry? Part of me thinks it's hilarious and I don't care to defend myself or explain myself, but that is me just closing up, throwing up some defenses and being selfish. So. here's hoping a level, gracious heart wins out at the appropriate time.

One of my favorite worship songs is Before the Throne of God Above. It's hit me in a different way in recent weeks although I've taken to it for quite some time now. I'm currently listening to it.

Does anyone know what it means to be "spiritual"? think of that word. we just throw it around, but have we really thought about what it means? So currently i am reading in 1 Corinthians, and having just come through Acts and Romans, there seems to be this theme of...the Spirit. capital S. I have to distinguish you see, because it talks of the spirit (lower case s) and the Spirit (capital S). And then you read something like this, where is it...okay, listen,

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. "For who has understood the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ. [...] But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?....

et cetera.

I was going to put a picture of a cow right here, but the connection is too slow, it won't upload. Just because. It's a cow. you know.

So....what we can conclude is this: I live in the flesh, seeing as there are jealousies in my life and other such indications, so then I fall into the "people of the flesh" category, i.e. infant. But there is this other category which is "spiritual people", lower case s, who are filled with the Spirit of God, capital S. Spiritual. what does that even mean, let me F12 it. Here is what F12 says: spiritual: 1) of, relating to, or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things. 2)(of a person) not concerned with material values or pursuits. this is flawed, why am i using F12 and not the word of God to define spiritual...will have to work on that.

also note how we are to have the "mind of Christ". ah, citation, check it, that passage is from 1 Corinthians 2: 14 - 3: 3. right, this was note-worthy too... "while there is jealousy yup yup...are you not of the flesh and behaving "only in a human way?" uh, sorry Paul, last time i checked, ummm, I was human. interesting. very interesting. so (putting the pieces together, do you see the puzzle starting to create a picture?), ah, so, I'm human but...i'm to be Spirit-filled, capital S, making me no longer an infant and I never have to drink 1% ever again, and then i will have the Divine in me, capital D, which sorta makes me not human anymore, but something more. living differently. eating real food like ambrosia salad and perogies, and never drinking milk ever again. Forget Calcium. I knew it wasn't spiritual. lower case s.

I digress.

I knew this would be rough.

but hopefully the real questions are coming through somehow through this...bunkum.

Bunkum. I love thesauruses.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Scuffed Shoes

Ahhh, amazing.

Friends are so dear, are they not?

People are beautiful, are they not?

Like...I only intended on staying at the Konrad's to say hi, but ended up staying for dinner, tea and yogurt with three handfuls of frozen blueberries with maple syrup partnered with lovely conversation.

Like...walking up to my coworker drawing a cat on a bright orange sticky so that I can parade around with it on my back all day.

Like...figuring life out together, and God out together and struggling together.

Like...country yard sales and old order churches.

Like...biking 5km with a giant James Dean poster under your arm.

Like...shared tears.

Like...people in love being sweet to one another.

Like...like like. like. like . like . . . . . .......

Today I started a conversation with Kris that we will maybe finish tomorrow, and it was on my recent musings of love and faithfulness. I think. Deep within. each of us, and I was specifically thinking of men because they are perhaps perceived to be the greater infidel of the two genders (although this is probably not true), but I was thinking that every man wants to find that one woman to be absolutely faithful to. Absolutely. And I've been musing these things because love is everywhere, and a good friend of mine got engaged last week, and Kris is smitten by his Char, and my co-worker Joel is getting married in two weeks to lovely Susie, and there is just this sweetness and beauty and love. love. love. love. and utter fidelity. for that one woman. and i am observing this love and it is very sweet. and counter-cultural. and love has to go deeper than carnal desire and reach depths of honesty and vulnerability and safety and support and then it is this sweet, tender, lasting treasure. to be a beloved. and that is...perhaps a bit of the original image that we were created in the likeness of revealing itself in little glimpses.

life is this...deceptive romance. or is it? hmmm. I am discovering that I constantly romantise things, not in the sense of romantic love, but of classic, idealized beauty. Like fresh muffins every day of the week. Old gravestones with illegible script. the Sahara. the Other. Scuffed Shoes. Adventure. that which i have not. those seem to be the things that are romantised. yet grass is green everywhere, not just on the other side, and perhaps it was never green there to begin with. and it seems to be that underneath the romance of life is a lot of hard work. dishes. planning. dirt. disease. hurt. homesickness. I don't know what the conclusion of this thought is other than we live in an idealized world but seem unwilling to step up to the necessary work or find the romance in our own present circumstances.

On runs back from the cemetery, I am always struck by the straightness of the path before me combined with the music I am listening to. this...surreal, treadmill, perseverance, life analogy type of thing. I can't really describe it. it is... the color of music.

the Color of Music.

That would be a good book title.

Today is June 9. On this day, in 1853, someone named Anne died. She was the beloved wife of Samuel Francis. A beloved wife. and died at 23. I'm almost 23. It is her grave that I visit and throw lilacs on when I run to Hemlock cemetery. Her illegible scripted gravestone. Very, very romantic. A beloved wife. and died at 23. I'm almost 23. somebody explain that to me.

and now I will go back to reading Romans. because it describes this very romantic kind of Savior and a very romantic type of grace except this is perhaps a genuine expression of romance and I detect no deception at all. I think it might just be real.